


The Wild 'n Wooly KN09 Diakko Week Compilation

by KriegsaffeNo9



Series: DianAkko Week 2017 [1]
Category: Little Witch Academia
Genre: Bam it's T for Teen now baby, Day 5 aka Obligatory Relatable Mental Illness Story Day amirite, Day 7 has fluff at last, Dianakko Week, Drug jokes in day 4 friggin finally, F/F, Filk, Inspired by Music, Rating subject to change, Things are ominously cute with French Fry around
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2018-12-31 05:07:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12125163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KriegsaffeNo9/pseuds/KriegsaffeNo9
Summary: Wherein the author learns that Dianakko (Diakko?) Week is A Thing, and rushes to join in with a late entry to day 1.  Doubling up on the suggested themes with musical titles!  Day 6 wound up growing so huge it is its own entry (look it up or somethin').Day 1: "Diana and Akko fell forever, heaven at their feet."Day 2:  "Put some pants on or whatever, there's a party on the Luna Nova lawn."Day 3:  "Diana poised her body ramrod-straight, squared her shoulders, and tried not to get lippier."Day 4: "That's not commitment I'm hearing!"Day 5: "She remembered cold death."Day 7: "Thank you girl."





	1. Forever Near

Diana and Akko fell forever, heaven at their feet.

"Gotta admit," Akko said, "I was not imagining this was how today would go."

"It's tomorrow," Diana said.

"Huh... I guess it is."

The Shooting Star glided to Earth, slowly, steadily, enveloped in the fading light of the Worldtree. Yggdrasil's light still danced in the atmosphere like a planet-wide aurora, like flame and light and water and leaves carried away by a strong breeze. Undimmed by atmosphere, with the Earth between themselves and the sun, the stars were infinite, uncountable, and forever; even still, when Akko dared glimpse its direction, she could see the Big Dipper, the memory of the Shiny Rod.

The Shooting Star was taking its damn time getting them home, but at least the view was nice.

Akko slumped against Diana's back, her arms wrapped around her waist, her legs clenched tight around the Shooting Star. "We really did it," she said.

"A miracle," Diana said.

"It kinda is, isn't it?" Akko said; Diana laughed.  Akko laughed back.  "It feels like a miracle should be easier than that. Miracles should just kinda happen. When I get back home I'm gonna sleep for like a week."

"I don't know if I could ever sleep again. If I do... I might wake up in Luna Nova, same as it ever was."

"Eh?"

"Isn't this too beautiful?" Diana said. She turned to look at Akko, and... she was crying. Smiling, her eyes creased by the smile, and tears pouring down her cheeks, trailing away and vanishing into the atmosphere. "I was having the most awful nightmare--that Croix was trying to conquer the world, that you were running away from Luna Nova, that the world would burn itself to cinders in World War III. And then you found your courage and saved us all. And we did it together.

"Saving the world, bringing about a new age of magic." She laughed. "I could feel my aunt love me. I could feel her pride. I could feel her memories of my mother... of all the energy we channeled, of all the magic we used, I could feel that, out of however many put their hopes in us.

"That's how I know this must be a dream. I saved the world, I made my auntie love me, I showed Croix how to straighten up and fly right... and you were here to lead the charge. To save me. To be saved, by me." She wasn't laughing anymore. "Atsuko... tell me I'm awake."

Akko put her hand on her face.

"If it's a dream, we're having it together," Akko says. "And if we wake up, I'll be there for you, and all you have to say is 'Akko, I love you,' and it'll all be true, sure as if it happened."

"A...Atsuko..."

"A believing heart is our magic." Akko pressed her forehead against Diana's. "If none of this happened outside of a dream, it still happened in our hearts. If we wake up, and all the world is still intent on lighting itself on fire... we'll remember. We'll remember the dream, and we'll make it come true."

"But... if this was a dream..."

"Well, it wasn't exactly easy even in a dream, was it? So if it takes a miracle to change the world, we'll just make one happen."

Diana's lips brushed against Akko's, and Akko's hand moved behind Diana's head and pushed her forward. Her heart froze; her blood ran cold; her head was enveloped in warmth.

"Atsuko..." she whispered.

"I love you, Diana."

"I love you, Atsuko Kagari."

"Kiss me, you're beautiful."

"And surely these are the end of days."

* * *

  
Sucy squinted intently through the telescope.

Amanda, Lotte, Jasminka, and Constanze gathered around her. "Well?!" Amanda said.

Sucy stayed quiet.

"I saw your lips move, you little tightwad!" Amanda said. "Do you owe us five bucks or not?!"

"Wouldn't you like to know, Miss I Didn't Think To Bring A Telescope."

"Lemmeatit you squishy lil' twerp!" Amanda said, trying to yank Sucy away from the aperture.

"I don't know about you," Jasminka said, "but I've got some calamari rings from Poppy's with my name on those five pounds."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title reference: "A Dream Worth Keeping" from Fern Gully.  
> Lyric reference: "The Dead Flag Blues" by Godspeed You! Black Emperor. Not an exact quote, mind, but a ludicrously on-the-nose summary of how I write these characters!


	2. A Supernatural Delight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 2: "Put some pants on or whatever, there's a party on the Luna Nova lawn."

Akko lurched into wakefulness when she realized it was Sucy's finger on her cheek. "Gaah! What, what, what is it?!"

"Shhh," Sucy said. "Do you know what time it is?"

"No?"

Sucy held up a glow-in-the-dark watch--not on her wrist or anything, she just held on to it--the hands pointing at a few minutes past midnight. She'd conked out that early? That was something of a rarity for her, though not as rare as it was for Lotte, who seemed to only need a few minutes' nap to be up and ready for anything.

"It's party time," Sucy said. "And yes, that was a meme."

"Wha?"

"Put some pants on or whatever, there's a party on the Luna Nova lawn."

* * *

  
"So, there's some kind of invisibility thing going on?" Akko said, edging between a pair of candles, each fuming in an oversized jar, each jar nested in a pile of rocks keeping it steady. Whoever put those candles down were going all out to prevent a fire hazard, quite admirable.

"No, all the old people are asleep and the fairies don't give a crap," Sucy said, pointing at the minotaur manning a propane grill. The candles drew the outline of the bangin' party; witches lay on the grass or on benches or stolen chairs, danced alone or in pairs or trios around a pair of speakers playing music whose notes fell silent outside the ring of candles. So, some magic after all! Congratulations, Akko, Akko thought, you made a good call.

"Yo, Akko!" Amanda said, cracking open a can of Tab. "How's it hangin'?"

"I... dunno!" Akko said. "Sucy brought me out here and, well, I guess it looks pretty nice." She walked away from Sucy and nearly tripped on Constanze. "Whoops! Sorry, sorry!"

Cons looked at her from the grass with an ambiguously spiteful glare, but waved her on. Akko tiptoed over her, and Amanda shoved a glass bottle into her hand.

"To peace, baby!" Amanda said, raising her can.

"Sure, to peace," Akko said, clinking her drink against Amanda's and taking a sip. "Woah... hey! This is real good. What is this...?"

"Bawls Energy Drink, my lady!" Amanda said. "It'll keep you goin'! It's what all the big-name dorklords drink in the US."

"Huh! Neat." She took another sip and scanned the party for--"Is that Diana?"

"It is," Amanda said.

Diana had pulled up a chair from... somewhere, a cheap plastic one. She had a bottle of water in-hand, resting it on her knee, and was looking at nothing in particular. She looked sad.

Well, to hell with that noise!

"I'm on a mission," Akko said. "If I need help, I'll give the sign."

"What sign?" Amanda said.

Akko contorted her hand into something like an O-K, except her last three fingers were pressed together and curled, forming a backwards lowercase "a." "It's an 'S' for 'samurai' so save me like a samurai if I need the help."

"How is that an 's'...?" Amanda said. "Whatever, just give 'er hell, alright?"

"You better believe it!" Akko said. She chugged the rest of her drink, tossed the bottle at Amanda under-handed, and ran off to Diana before she could see Amanda go for the bottle, fumble, and drop it right on Constanze's forehead.

Akko ran full-tilt at Diana, before leaping and turning in mid-air, taking a hard landing on the backside and skidding to a stop more or less at her side. "Hey, Diana!" she said, somewhat out of breath. "How's it going?"

"It goes," Diana said.

"You look kinda sad!" Akko said.

"I guess I... don't feel my best," Diana said.

"You weren't totally onboard with a crazy midnight party? It's a Friday! You're practically in the clear!"

"It's not that crazy," Diana said, gesturing to the maybe two dozen witches and four fairies. "There's no alcohol, for one."

"But I had an energy drink so that's pretty crazy!"

Diana smiled at her, in a way. "This should be getting interesting any time now."

"It can be interesting right now! We got music, we... well, what else do you need to be interesting?"

"Maybe if it's something I could dance to."

"Do you only dance to classical music?"

"No, it's just, this song..." She held her tongue against the roof of her mouth. "It's... I wasn't sure it was a song at first."

"It's just a little harsh noise. Cons is all about that kind of music."

"It's very harsh noise, it's just loud static."

"No, no, she said that's the genre! Anything can be music if you put heart into it. Even if it just sounds like random noises or like the radio is broken! Like whatever's playing now!" She turned to the partygoers. "What's the name of this song again?"

"'What Love Am I Supposed To Show You,' by Sewer Election! It's a banger!" a witch said.

"Yeah, lovin' that rubbing-a-microphone-against-a-speaker sound!" Akko said. She whispered to Diana, "I'm actually not liking it that much either, I just didn't wanna harsh the mood."

Diana grumbled. "Well, one of us should do something. I'm going to lose my mind completely if I go back to my room, but I can't stand this song."

An idea popped into Akko's head, and already she was two for two on ideas (avoiding candles, amazing entrance). Let's go for the hat trick: "I can change it... for a price."

Dianna's expression faltered, turning from vague sadness to just plain vague. "What price?"

"If it's something you can dance to, you wanna dance with me?" Akko flashed a toothy smile.

"Certainly," Diana said.

"Ooh boy! You're on!" Akko hopped to her feet. "I can feel the sugar and the... whatever-else-was-in-it kick in! This'll be a snap."

She marched over to Constanze, who was still lying on the grass and fooling around on a contraband cell phone. "Hey, Cons! Can we change the music? It's givin' Diana a headache and stuff!"

Constanze stared daggers at her.

"Pretty please? Maybe just like one song for a break?"

Cons whistled and Amanda jogged over. "What's up?" she said, kneeling by Constanze. The tiny German witch pulled a business card from her vest pocket and handed it to Amanda, who read it. "Huh... so, Akko, looks like this is your third offense of the night."

"Third what of the what?" Akko said. Constanze combat-rolled into a squat and pressed a button on a watch Akko didn't remember her wearing.

"You insulted her stature by tripping over her, you insulted her... 'holistic wellness?' Whatever, you threw the bottle that landed on her head, and now you wanna change up her tunes. That's three. She's gonna hafta insist on a duel."

"A duel...?" Akko said. "Like, a wizard duel, I mean a witch duel?"

"Nope," Amanda said. A trio of Stanbots crashed into the lawn around Akko, unfolding into many-armed combat drones nearly half her height and bristling with tasers.

Cons smirked.

"Huh," Akko said, rolling up her sleeves.

"Atsuko, don't hurt yourself on my--" Diana said, standing up.

"Aw, it's fine!" Akko said. "Cons isn't gonna really hurt m **HGGRKRK** " Six taser strings bit down on her and sent her flopping onto the yard.

"Oh my God," Diana said.

The Stanbots reeled in their strings and encroached on Akko, deploying batons.

Akko forced herself onto all fours, unable to stand. "Okay, that w-w-w-w-w-was cute, b-b-b-b-but I'm not out y-y-y-yet!" Her hair had bloomed into a sunflower-like nimbus with a smaller sunflower-like nimbus where her hair blob would be. "Now just let my heart remember how to b-b-b-b-beat and I'll hand you your--"

"Hyah!" Diana caught a Stanbot in the chin with her bootheel, knocking it over.

Cons made a noise and gestured for Diana to leave.

"Not tonight, you little brat!" Diana said, telescoping her wand. "Imperio Noctum!" She sprayed a bolt of darkness at a Stanbot that leaped at her, knocking it to the lawn; the spell dug into its chest and vibrated it apart at the joints. She took aim at the third, but Akko performed a handstand, blocking her shot. "Atsuko, down!"

"Oh no," Akko said, giving her body a good twist, and spun around on her head like a top, perhaps with the idea being kicking the last Stanbot a bunch of times with greater force. She managed half of a rotation on the damp grass, hitting nothing and tipping face-down onto the grass.

The last Stanbot put its foot on Akko's backside. Cons joined it.

"I think she's declarin' victory," Amanda said.

Akko kicked her leg back and pegged Constanze in the side of the head, knocking her into her Stanbot, and sending both of them to the ground. She sat on both of them, crossing her arms. "I think that settles this fight. Or dare you battle me again, Constanze?"

Constanze groaned and handed Akko her cell phone.

"Thank you kindly, Constanze ... von... something! I really gotta get your name down at some point." She flipped through the apps. "Er, what's your music app again?"

Cons gestured for the phone, which Akko surrendered; she pulled up her custom-made music app (titled WinAmp Resurexxion 2016: Requiem) and handed the phone back.

"Thankee much!"

Diana handed Akko her water bottle. "Are you alright? Did she hurt you?"

"Oh, not at all, I mean, not permanently or nothin'," Akko said. "Cons can be pretty hands-on sometimes but she's a nice girl. Lookit'er, she's bein' a great sport!"

Constanze wasn't struggling to escape, though she was gently kicking her feet in boredom.

"Thas'a' Cons. He-e-e-ere we go!" Akko hit play, and a funky 80s beat started to play over the speakers. The dancing witches in attendance shrugged and resumed the boogie. She placed the phone back in Constanze's hands and hopped off her. "Whattaya think, Diana?"

"Please," Diana said, shaking the bottle for emphasis. "It'd make me feel better, at least."

"Alright, sure." Diana uncapped the bottle and took a long swig. "Thanks, Diana." She offered the bottle back; Diana took it, and had a quick sip herself. "So, what do you think, is this a song you can dance to?"

"I... well, I could," Diana said. Sucy took the bottle from her. "Ah, pardon me--"

"I heard that bet," Sucy said, "as I hear all things. You don't wanna renege on that, do you? Bets are sacrosanct, or so all the porn I watch declares."

"It wasn't a bet," Diana said. "I was..." She shook her head. "You haven't given me the chance." She offered her hand to Akko, not yet looking at her. "Atsuko Kagari, would you care to join me in this dance?"

"I would indeed!" Akko said, curtsying like (she imagined) a Southern belle. She took Diana's hand, and Diana took her other hand, and Diana led her to the impromptu dance floor around the speakers.

Sucy scrunched herself behind a fallen Stanbot and watched. Constanze converted her wand into a mechanical multitool and set herself to fixing the Stanbot Diana obliterated. "This should be good," Sucy said.

"Hand here," Diana said, putting Akko's on her hip, "and my hand here." She put her hand on Akko's. "We step in time. I'll lead. You follow."

They spun into the dance floor, surrounded by witches grooving or stunting or showing off or just violently working out every muscle that demanded to be flexed in response to the music. Diana and Akko wove between them, spinning on their heels, sliding to the side when a witch cartwheeled past them, dipping perilously low to the speakers such that the bass pounded in Akko's head like a sonic headache, only much more pleasant than that; grass tickled her hair and dew clung to her hair when Diana lifted her back up.

"Can you feel it?" Akko cooed, her hips swaying with Diana's. "I can feel it too!"

"It's not a bad song at all," Diana said. It was small, it was sly, but that was a smile on her face.

They didn't kiss, not even when Diana took Akko back to her room--Akko jittering and bouncing and flinging herself spinning through the air all the while as all that caffeine and guarana really saturated her nervous system. They did exchange good-nights, and a collective wondering where Sucy was (fleecing other students of their allowance via marginally-rigged card games). Akko spent another hour laying in bed, too delighted to sleep, feeling joy through her whole body. Diana took a melatonin pill and lay in her own bed, the sadness she felt ringed by just a taste of contentment.

As far as first dates go, it was a low-key one. But neither could say they didn't have a wonderful time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title reference: "Dancing in the Moonlight." The original by Three Dog Night for a rollicking fight, the cover by Toploader for a legit easy time chillaxin' with the buddies!  
> Lyric reference: "Revel In Your Time" by Gunship. I make extensive use of mood music when I write but this song is so damn catchy I had a difficult time writing some parts 'cause I kept getting caught up dancing in my seat like a friggin' moron. Yes, I can feel it too.


	3. And That Would Be Alright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 3: "And That Would Be Alright." "Diana poised her body ramrod-straight, squared her shoulders, and tried not to get lippier."

Akko rested her head against Diana's chest, purring like a content kitten; her hair-blob teased Diana's clavicle. Diana's hands clasped over Akko's belly, just below her ribs, such that they rose with Akko's breath and thrummed as she made her happy sounds. She lay her chin on Akko's head--

"No. Sit up straight. Wait, straighter than that! But not too straight, like you're taped to a lamppost, like you're straightening up to naturally express your relative heights while you're seated." Wangari inched closer to the set. "Do I need to use my hands?"

"No, you do not." Diana poised her body ramrod-straight, squared her shoulders, and tried not to get lippier. Oh, sweet Mormo, did she want to get lippier. Akko held her previous position by making her abs very sad with her.

"Should I sorta scoot down a bit so she looks even taller?" Akko said. "Or would that muss up the sheets?"

"Hey, that's a good idea!" Wangari said. "Gimmie some shrinkage, Akko." Akko wriggled into the faux-bed, smoothing out the sheets as they doubled up over her legs, bringing her head against Diana's tummy. "Oh my God, that was so much better in my head. No, it's all on Diana... wait, wait, gimmie a sec, I'm gonna grab a pillow, hold that pose we're almost there!" Wangari slipped between her camerawoman and her stenographer and out the door of the tennis court.

The tennis court was a short-lived addition to Luna Nova, falling entirely out of use when the teacher who commissioned it broke her hip into ten thousand shrapnelly pieces on the first serve of her first game against the wall. It spent the rest of the time being stuffed with random detritus, students fooling around, and today, Wangari trying to get killer photos for her latest ultimate project of journalism, a book-length exposé on the hidden story behind the ludicrous display last year.

"Killer" evidently meant converting the tennis room into a photography studio and getting lots and lots of photos of the two lounging around in bed together. A mockup of an all-white bedroom dominated the back wall. There was an actual mattress and sheets, but Wangari had found them in the tennis room and the ambiguous, ominous smell of the bedding mingled with the chemical odor of the still-wet paint. Also, the mattress had been thrown on top of a pile of garbage of more or less even height, and was nearly as comfortable as a tramp chair.

"So," Diana said, as the silence grew oppressive, "if it's not too forward to ask, which one of you is Joanna?"

The two girls looked at each other and shrugged. "It's unclear," the camerawoman said.

"Yeah, I don't ask those kinds of questions," the stenographer said. "I just live my life and wait for it to become coherent. An' if it doesn't, well, at least I ain't on heroin, you hear me?"

"Yet!" Akko said. "You never know if someone's gonna jump you with a dirty needle!"

"Akko, that was bizarrely dark for you," Diana said, gently bapping her on the back of the head.

"Ow! Hey, just bein' honest, you know? I mean, you've had that nightmare, right? You're walkin' along, mindin' your business, this guy leaps out of the shadows and he's got a hockey mask on... why are hockey masks scary again? I don't know why but they totally are."

"Some movie or the other," Diana said, with a sigh.

"Friday th' Thirteenth, Part 3," the stenographer said. "One of the greats. Possibly the high point of the series, if yer not one of those purists who think Pamela Voorhees was the scarier killer. But, really, I ain't one to talk about F-T-13. Me, bein' the human I am, my tastes skew towards the more cerebral slasher flicks. Gimmie a Psycho, or a Halloween, or a Sleepaway Camp. Or in a pinch The Texas Chainsaw Massacre II. That one is criminally underrated. It's got a dual-wield vs. zweihander chainsaw duel, for Chrissake."

"Did you get any of that?" Diana said.

"Heck yeah, I did," Akko said. "That's going in the movie-rec bucket fo' sho'."

"Really."

"I never joke about movie night, Diana."

"I'll... give it a try."

Wangari burst free from a mountain of dusty garbage. "Yes! Found it!" She waved a mildew-stained body pillow overhead. "This is a no-kidding Tenchi Muyo body pillow! This thing's older than any of us!"

Akko squinted. "You're gonna clean that first, right?"

"Who is that on the pillow...?" Diana said.

"Okay, fine, I'll drag it through the laundry. You two take ten or something! I'll let you know when we're ready to roll." She tapped her PRESS armband. "Your story must be told and it will be beautiful. Beautiful!"

"I think you could maybe tone down the fancy photography a bit?" the camerawoman said. "I mean if you wanna give an accurate--"

"Shhhhhhhhhhhh." Wangari dragged her entourage out of the room, wedging the hug pillow under her arm.

"There walks a brave lady," Akko said, rolling off the not-bed. "I'd need a couple of tongs to touch that. Like, tongs for the tongs! Tong tong tong. I'd hire some Tongs to use tongs to hold the tongs to hold the pillow."

"Let's head to my room," Diana said, buttoning up her vest. Wangari insisted on no vests or colored belts to maximize the amount of white in the picture so their faces, hair, and hands would pop. (Akko joked about climbing under the sheets and explained it's because she was Japanese, not Caucasian, which Wangari got and did not wholly appreciate.)

"Can I drop by the showers first?" Akko said. "I think these sheets might be infected."

"I have a guest bathroom, feel free to use it."

"You have two bathrooms?!"

"Two and a half... three if the hot tub in the master bathroom qualifies."

"You have a hot tub?" Akko's eyes sparkled like a premium Lisa Frank folder.

"Yes," Diana said, "I do."

* * *

  
Two showers and a change into swimwear later, Akko lay on her belly looking into the hot tub, taking a deep whiff of the steam. "O sweet goddess of the springs whom I assume exists let me have this bath 'cause I'm a good girl and I've earned it."

Dianna stifled a laugh. "It's just a hot tub."

"Nothing is ever just what it is. Everything means so much more than that."

"My, that was almost profound!"

"You better believe it, baby." Akko held her breath and rolled into the tub, splashing warm water over the sides. She floated on the surface, splayed like a starfish, her hair blooming around her head. "Oh yes. Ohhh baby. Ohhh yeah." She flicked her fingers, feeling fine foam froth between them. "Does this have bubbles?"

Diana clapped twice, and the bubble jets kicked in.

"oh thank you sweet Jimmy Jesus" Akko said.

Diana glided into the tub between Akko's splayed legs.

"Hello~!" Akko said, flopping into a seated position and then pushing herself toward Diana. "Thanks for the tub, by the way. Thank you so much~"

"You're welcome," Diana said, hugging Akko to her. "We both needed this, I think." She ran her hands up and down Akko's back; her lithe muscles were taut with nervous energy.

"Aaaah~" Every word out of Akko's mouth was an ecstatic sigh. "This is so-o-o-o much better than Lotte's sauna."

"Lotte has a sauna?"

"Her family does. It's lame and too hot. This is perfect. It's hot and wet and fun and..." Akko giggled into Diana's shoulder. "Oh man that sounded perverted."

"It's fine by me," Diana said, kissing Akko's neck.

Akko shuddered. "Ooh, what did I ever do to earn you?"

"You put in the hours, let's be honest..." Diana's lips pressed against Akko's chin. "For a while you were the most exasperating witch I'd ever met. I'm almost uncertain how you wriggled your way into my heart."

"Hey, you weren't all sugar and spice either," Akko giggled. She kissed Diana's cheek. "You were so stuck up! I mean, you had a good reason, and I guess I can be kinda hard to get along with even on a good day, but, you know, you needed a little..."

Diana's hand moved well below Akko's back. "...stress relief?"

Akko squeaked, a bright blush blooming on her cheeks. "You could say that!"

Diana nuzzled Akko's neck, planting little kisses up and down her veins. "I could, and I did."

"Oh boy, am I glad I stuck it out with you."

"I am, too." She kissed, at last, Akko's lips. "Raise your drinking glass, here's to yesterday."

"Was I supposed to bring a..." Akko said, and Diana silenced her with a kiss.

"Metaphor," Diana said.

Akko kissed her back. "I get it. Now let's..."

_click_

"What was that?" Akko said.

"Nothing," Wangari said from the entrance to Diana's master bathroom. The one with the camera, maybe Joanna, was busy snapping pictures; the stenographer, maybe Kimberly, was jotting everything down, including what Wangari just said. "It's journalism. We're being thorough."

"Get the hell out of my room or you'll wish I'd used magic to extract my bloody revenge on all of you," Diana said with a smile.

"Fine, fine," Wangari said. "Just wanted to say we had to get a different pillow 'cause the pillow we found had so many diseases the Public Health England lady we showed it to had a stroke."

"Good to hear. How about you clean the rest of that damp garbage before you have us aggressively cuddle on it?" Diana said. "Maybe you'll get better pictures then."

"Or I could take pic--"

"Leave."

"Yes, m'am." Wangari and maybe-Joanna slipped away. Kimberly licked her lips and wrote something down in her notepad before Wangari dragged her off by the collar. The door closed.

"Victor, Echo, November!" shouted Diana.

The sound of metal siding into place rumbled from the direction of the door out.

"There," Diana sighed. "Now, where were we?"

Akko squeezed Diana tight. "Being in heaven."

"Ah, yes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title reference: "Semi-Charmed Kind of Life" by Third Eye Blind. "When I'm with you I think I could die and that would be alright."  
> Lyric reference: "Come Full Circle" by Aerosmith. I have especially fond memories of reading a brand new Goblet of Fire by flashlight in the car during a lengthy road trip and that song coming on my CD player as I hit a party scene. I have since associated that song with bittersweet magical chillaxing. "Don't piss Heaven off, we've got Hell to pay, come full circle."
> 
> Somehow "Cuddling" was the hard prompt to work with. Ergo, I brought in my favorite NPC!


	4. To the Shadow Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 4: "That's not commitment I'm hearing!"

Today had begun so innocently. Nobody could've guessed that it may have gone so badly. All it took to go wrong was Prof. Badcock, on a whim during her lunch break, cutting her crushed Adderall with the ashes of the previous teacher to hold her position at Luna Nova and snorting it all with her mother's 70s vintage ivory snorting-tube. The resulting sorcerial superposition allowed her to be possessed by a passing alien intelligence of vast might and poor temper, and, well, things went as one would expect.

"Come and get me, you bright-eyed future-having sonsofbitches!" Prof. Badcock threw her head back and cackled, the gathering storm overhead shredding the sky with arcs of lightning as it gathered strength. At her current size she easily straddled Luna Nova, one foot planted in the rolling lawns on the quidditch pitch, the other in Prof. Pisces's secret greenhouse. A number of students were busy trying to zorch her at her ankles; wusses, all. The real action was in the archipelago of floating platforms rotating around Badcock's midsection and head.

Sucy emptied her plasma caster into Badcock's head. "Keeping those shields from coming back," she said over the radio when she had a moment to reload. "Lotte, are you on that sync plate?"

"Sync plate activated!" Lotte chimed in. "We're at 20% capture and holding! Akko, Diana, how's the cure coming along?"

Akko stirred awake. "Hwuh?"

"The cure is coming along fine," Diana said, stirring the charcoal under the cold-iron pot. "Just hold it for five more minutes." She and Akko were cooling their heels in the alchemy laboratory, waiting on the aglaophotis pill to finish hardening in the chill flames of spirit-blessed charcoal.

"Five minutes?" Sucy said. "I've only got so much heavy ammo and somebody said we don't need heavy ammo synthesizers anymore."

"Was that a crack at me, Manbavaran?" Chariot said. "Just because you don't bother shooting her minions--" Something died messily on Chariot's end of the line. "Like so! I just cracked open one of those beetles of hers and there's elemental and heavy ammo popping out like a pinata."

"Like candy coming out of a pinata, you mean," Finnelan said.

"Oh, now you talk. Where the hell are you?" Chariot said.

"I'm distributing blankets and tea to the kids on the ground. I presume you're showing off again?"

"Pardon me," Lotte said, "but the sync plate is starting to fill up with ants and they're biting me really hard!"

"On the way, Lotte!"

"Hey, that rhymed, that's neat, ow ow ow ow ow"

Akko rubbed her eyes. "So should we be out there?"

"No, they're fine," Diana said, taking in the dreamy glow of the spirit charcoal. "We've done a lot for this world. We deserve a break now and again."

"Well, we do gotta jam that stuff down Baddy's throat later, too!" Akko said. "Wow, that came out wrong."

"Maybe a little," Diana said. "But, really, don't you appreciate having the slightest bit of a breather now and again?"

"Kinda... maybe... not so much," Akko said. "What's with you and breaks lately? You save Earth once and it's like you don't gotta save it again. Earth is like, you know, a relationship! You gotta put work into it, you don't just say 'I do' and eat some cake and it's smooth sailing forever."

"My," Diana said. "Look who's learning how to be a mature lady!"

"Thank you, but really, start limbering up 'cause if we're gonna have to watch that stupid medicine cook while all our buddies go off to fight we better do our part as good as we can do it, okay? ... Pretty please?" Akko put on her teary puppy-dog look.

"If you insist," Diana said.

"Diana?"

"What?"

"That's not commitment I'm hearing! That's sass-talk for 'sure thing Akko wink wink let's put on some hot cocoa and chill out while Sucy gets killed.'"

"No, I'm serious, I'm sorry if--"

"Wait, Lemme check on Sucy." Akko hit her headset. "You got me worryin' about her... Hello? Sucy?"

"Trying to pick up my gun," Sucy said. "I dropped it and I can't pick it up. That's weird and lame."

"Sucy, are you see-through?" Akko said.

"That's a different show you're... oh. Crap, am I dead?" She groaned. "Dammit, that's my body, it's all messed up, and my ghost is just sort of hovering around looking stupid. Badcock really messed me up when I was plinking her with my primary."

"For the love of the Triple Goddess, you need to update your gear more often!" Chariot said. "Lotte, get to Sucy, I'll watch the sync plate."

"A-alright! Hold on Sucy, I'm gonna stuff your ghost back in you! Please don't follow anybody who looks like they're gonna take you to Heaven!"

"Oh, don't worry," Sucy said, "I don't think I'm gettin' any of those types."

"You hear that?!" Akko said. "Sucy got super murdered while we're here twiddlin' our thumbs and mixin' up the medicine!"

Diana pursed her lips.

"Well? Anything to say about that?"

"No."

"Right! So don't be such a big wussy, 'cause you're the bravest lady I know and I know you can be brave right now!" Akko hopped up out of her seat. "Also I think it's been five minutes?"

"Oh... more or less," Diana said, checking the pill with a little pair of metal tongs. "Mm... it's the right color, it's just a litle hot." She pulled on an oven mitt and dropped the pill in it. "Alright, yes, I think I might've--"

Akko grabbed her free hand. "Less talky, more fly-y!" She ran to Diana's broom, Diana hot in tow behind her.

"You're unbelievable," Diana said, smiling.

"Oh, I'm undefeatable!" Akko said. "Come on, let's ruin everything!"

* * *

  
Badcock's riotous laughter echoed for miles around. "You poor saps didn't stand a chance! The spell is nearly complete and X'kklkkhm-ftrrkttbaklk will cross into our reality!"

"I heard her say it and I still don't know how that's pronounced," Sucy said, holding her arm in place as Lotte stapled it back on.

"Expurgato!" howled Chariot, emptying her energy into a column of energy blasted from her wand at Badcock's eye. "Come on and get a taste of the big leagues, bitch!"

Badcock closed her eye, the magical blast shaving off her partially-restored energy shields. "Ow." She reached for Chariot and plucked her off the sync plate. "You may have got the last plate, but you can't put me down fast enough to cancel the spell!" She watched Chariot writhe in her grasp. She chuckled and squeezed, Chariot grunting in pain but refusing to give her the satisfaction of screaming or crying.

"If you're done with me, finish it!" Chariot said.

"Oh, no. Not until you see this Earth pass into an abyss of--"

"Hey, Mr. Bad Guy!" Akko shouted from behind the giant Badcock. "What's comin' your way and rhymes with 'pain'?"

Badcock turned to look at Diana peeling out on her broom, Akko dangling from beneath by her knees. She had both her and Diana's wands in hand. "Thas' right--Atsuko Kagari! Fusilo maxima!"

A barrage of magic missiles erupted from the two wands, tiny explosions bursting all around Badcock's head. "Eeurgh! You little tramp, how dare you--"

Diana pulled off a hairpin turn, swinging by Badcock's open mouth and flinging in the tiny, glittering aglaophotis pill. She swallowed it without even noticing it was there.

"--presume to stand against Samantha Badcock, herald of the future of..." She trailed off. "Wait... something's wrong. The power of X'kklkkhm-ftrrkttbaklk... it's fading! Where could it be going?!" She looked up and beheld the thunderstorm resolving into a mundane shower, bringing healing rain to the wounded school. "No! The Absolute Dawn was at hand! Infinite power... final contentment... tenure... gone! All... go-o-o-o-o-ne..." Badcock dropped Chariot, Diana flying by and Akko catching her in mid-air.

"Thanks for the save," Chariot said.

"Any time, Chariot!" Akko said, beaming.

Samantha shrank back to her normal size as the flying platforms fell to earth in clouds of dust and ruin and all her giant bug minions had physics suddenly start applying to them. Big dead bugs rained on Luna Nova.

Diana landed by the fallen Badcock. The faculty and the strongest students, Diana included once she was reunited with her wand, approached the defeated teacher. Nelson poked her in the boob. "Hey, you alive?"

Badcock coughed. "Barely." She fumbled for her glasses. "Did I survive, or is this a death hallucination?"

"You're fine," Finnelan said, throwing her uniform's coat onto her. "You just menaced the school stark naked and a hundred feet tall, so that's adequately humiliating enough to waive disciplinary action."

"Yes," Headmistress Holbrooke said. "I believe experience was the best teacher in thi--"

Constanze elbowed her way in to the circle and jammed her SMG into Badcock's mouth.

"Mrp?!" Badcock said.

"No, bad Constanze!" Nelson said, yanking the gun up and away from Badcock. "If that's a real gun that's bad form and if it's a fake gun you shoulda fired it already and gotten the laugh! Points off for bad timing!"

Constanze made an angry noise at Nelson.

"Well, all's well that ends well!" Akko said, brushing her hands. "See? That was fun! We had fun and solved that nice and neat."

"Yes, we did," Diana said, holstering her wand.

"You gotta seize the space bull by the time horns sometimes! I know it was scary saving the world once, but--"

"Atsuko, darling," Diana said, grabbing Akko and pulling her close, "for the sake of my nerves, shut up and kiss me."

"Sure!" Akko said, and obliged, Diana dipping her so low her hair brushed the grass. With their chests pressed together Akko felt Diana's heart beating like a terrified rabbit's.

"Ah, isn't it nice?" Lotte said.

"You put my left arm on my right stump... upside-down," Sucy said.

"Oh! Oh, sorry. I got a little mixed up, there was an awful lot of blood."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title ref: "Shadow Fury" by Gunship.  
> Lyrics ref: "Planetary (Go)" by Panic! at the Disco.  
> The references fly hot and heavy in this one because I can't be trusted. I got concerned with how Diakko this was 'til Akko made this about commitment, whereupon the excuse to make a bunch of dorky-ass reference jokes felt at least a little bit like a commentary on the shape of their relationship at this point in the game.


	5. Signs of Heaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "She remembered cold death."

_1\. For every heart, relief_  
It had come to pass that between the two of them Diana and Akko had a surfeit of petty spending cash. As the two spent some time in Diana's room one cool evening, Akko had an idea.  
"How about a trip to Blytonbury?" Akko said. "We could spend the weekend! Two nights in a hotel, ooh, or maybe a bed and breakfast! We can walk where we wanna go, eat a lot of food, get a little tipsy..." She did a little jig.

"Tipsy, Akko?" Diana didn't look up from writing in her journal.

"Well, who's gonna card us? Plus, we did save the world! That gets us a lot of kudos and free meals and all that cool stuff!"

"Let's not abuse the good will of the people of Earth. Besides, I'm not fond of the idea of 'getting tipsy.'"

"Aww. You're no fun!" Akko flopped onto Diana's bed. "Or at least you're not maximally fun. Wanna go but not drink?"

"You promise you won't 'get tipsy' or..." She licked her lips, which felt oddly dry. "Anything like that? Nothing too outrageous, nothing too unbecoming of either of us?"

"Sure, yeah!" Akko said. "I mean, if it makes you sad or uncomfortable I won't even look at liquor if I can help it." She bat her eyes at Diana. "We could go to museums or antique places or whatever, too, if you'd like."

"Antique stores?"

"No, like... landmarks, that's the word!" Akko snapped her fingers. "You like that sort of thing, right? Am I right?"

"You are right," Diana said, closing her diary and locking it. "If you're honest, then yes. That sounds magnificent." Diana pulled her legs free of her boots and sat alongside Akko on her bed.

"Two weeks from now I have an opening in my weekend schedule. Will that be good for you?"

"Yeah, perfect! I mean, I don't schedule anything on a weekend if I can help it."

"Then it's a date." She kissed Akko's forehead; Akko, giggling, pulled her down by her collar and gave her a peck on the lips.

"Someone's shy today," Akko said.

"Maybe a little," Diana said, forcing a smile.

"Should I leave? It's cool if I gotta," Akko lied.

"Maybe," Diana said. She brushed hair from her eyes, unnecessarily. "I've been... I don't know how to put it."

"Antsy? Spooked? Like a horse in a little horse cage and you just wanna get out and move those legs?"

"I have no idea," Diana said. "But a date in two weeks sounds good. And a little bit of time alone sounds good right now."

"Alrighty! Seeya, Diana." Akko rolled off of bed and hiked for the exit. Diana lay on the warm place Akko had rested and absorbed her secondhand warmth. She closed her eyes, as if to invite sleep, though it would be long in coming and would not sweep her away without a struggle. It was one of those nights, she knew.

The night was bitter and shiftless; she fell asleep in a dreary haze, her heart pounding in her chest, and she awoke soaked in cold sweat. The memory of her nightmare weighed not on her head or chest but her neck. She remembered choking in the vacuum of space as the magic of Yggdrasil ran empty. She remembered cold death. All through the day, however much was on her mind, however much company she enjoyed or however much solitude, the memory of dying draped over her like a pall.

This set the mood for the weeks to come.

* * *

 

 _2\. Nobody, nobody can ever know her longing_  
The elevator's machinery groaned as it climbed story by story at a staggered pace. "So of all the places you coulda gone in Blytonbury you went with a Holiday Inn Express?" Akko said. "Good pick!"

"I presumed you wouldn't be overly interested in a historical inn," Diana said.

"Well, not that I'd mind if you did, but... lemme guess, we got an extra couple hundred bucks to throw around for funsies?"

"We do indeed." Diana rapped her fingers on her luggage handle. "It would be nice to visit something that's not the Last Wednesday Society. Mix it up a little. Blytonbury has so much to view. Museums. Historical sights. We could take a bus out to the monasteries..."

Akko flipped through a brochure of restaurants. Her eyes alit. "They have a Trader Vic's?!"

"A... pardon?"

"Trader Vic's! Like in 'Werewolves of London!'"

"I don't... is that a movie?"

"It's a song! The movie came later, and it didn't have the song in it for some reason, but they're both great! It's got scary werewolf dudes and like ghosts and stuff! _AWOOOOO_! Werewolves 'a London! _Dan dan, dan dan, dan dan da dan_!"

Diana stared at her blankly. "Are you speaking English?"

"The most English I have ever spoken in my life! You just need some music in you, that's all." The elevator stopped with a shocking jolt. "And that's us! Come on, let's get situated. Then I'm putting on some music!"

"Lead the way."

The music had to wait, as the man at the front desk had forgotten to write down the wi-fi password in the envelope for their keys, and calling to ask would be moments not spent floating to the street.

* * *

 

 _3\. Try, try, try to arrange me_  
The Museum of High Witchery was a bust, closed for remodeling. Akko offered to fly them up to the second and third floors to see if any of the windows weren't covered, but Diana turned the offer down. "Save your mana, in case."

"Is it really mana or did we just get that from video games?" Akko said. "I bet if we could go in the museum we'd learn. Maybe it's essence or quintessence or tass or majuice or witchpower. Or horsepower!" Akko twirled in place. "Wouldn't it be cool if we measured magic in horses?"

"That... I think you should bring up with one of the professors. It may be worth looking into."

"Yes! Excellent Akko idea!" She pointed at the sky for some reason. "And now, the next thing on the list!"

The Museum of Experimental Art was a different sort of bust.

The largest room there was empty save for white column in the center, on which were a pair of robust speakers emitting bursts of intermittent static which sounded almost like angry horns or violin. The sound echoed off the gray walls, giving the impression of something sneaking up behind one's back no matter where one stood. Diana read the placard: "The song 'Like A Wall In Which An Insect Lives And Gnaws,' by Neil Keener and Clayton Counts (RIP) as their musical act Bull of Heaven, is a song with a length of over five and a half years, requiring nearly four terabytes of computer storage. Composed mathematically and compiled by computer programs..."

Akko scratched her head and listened half-awake as Diana read through the lengthy infodump. She had yet to be impressed by all the twitchy splotches of paintings or the scary photos (well, she was a little impressed by the scary photos), but it felt like she was waiting for the monster in a scary movie that was taking its damn time to jump out. Come to think of it this song sounded like something a scary movie would play right before the spooky thing happened. She hoped against hope that a guy would jump out soon so they could move on with their lives.

"...the longest song yet composed by the band is titled 'It is Part of Space and Time,' which has an estimated length of..." Diana blinked. "Math isn't my strong suit but it says here the song is over six times as long as the universe's current age? That sounds implausible."

"Computers are like witchcraft minus the fun, unless it's making a computer play a cool, nice game," Akko said.

"That I can't argue with."

"Can we get outta here now? I get antsy just waiting on Bohemian Rhapsody to finish up, this is driving me crazy."

"Alright. If you insist."

Akko fell asleep on her feet at the shoe museum, waking with a start when Diana touched her shoulder. "--gaah! Wha--where am I? Is the cave bull still chasing me?!"

"There's not a cave bull chasing you," Diana said, not meaning to sigh as hard as she did. "That was a dream."

"Was it? Was it really?"

"Yes."

"Oh. Okay." Akko rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and refocused on a display of foot-binding slippers. "Wait... we're in a foot palace?"

"Shoe museum."

"Same difference. I thought I was dreaming that part!"

"No, we're in the Blytonbury Shoe Museum. This is the highly fascinating section on the history of footwear as fashion to the detriment of the health of the..."

Akko was leaning forward, eyes closed, mouth hanging open, gentle snores escaping her mouth. Diana fumed, biting her lip as hard as she dared and silently dragging her date out of the museum.

* * *

 

 _4\. In the summer heat, I lose my head_  
"Okay, we're off to a rough start," Akko said. "But it's not even four o'clock, and it's Friday! We've got a day and a half of Blytonburyness ahead of us!" She took a sip of tea. "Think of it as getting all the bad ideas out of the way first."

Diana finished her cup. "That's the right way to think about it," she said, not believing in the words even as they left her mouth.

"Yeah, this was a good idea too! Reset our heads in a familiar place, get our bearings, get some tea-caffeine in us."

The Last Wednesday Society was the last place Diana wanted to go today, but lacking in anything like an idea on how to please Akko it was the best idea she had.

There's always asking her where she'd like to go, a little voice chimed in the back of her head. The simple way of doing things. Or are we not a fan of that today, Ms. Cavendish?

"So what were you thinkin' of trying out next?" Akko said, pouring a new cup.

"I'm not sure yet," Diana said. "I don't suppose you have any suggestions?" If she hadn't believed the last thing she said, she desperately loathed the words that escaped her now.

"There's a bitchin'-lookin' club a couple blocks up, Sleep Is Death!" Akko said, pointing in the bitchin'-lookin' club's direction. "Maybe if it's open we could dance and stuff! I should probably look up times before we go... or we could catch a movie. I really wanna see Marijuana Simpson at the Last Light Theater, you can get a souvenir pin and they serve real food you can really eat! Or maybe I'm just really hungry..." She pat her stomach. "Yeah, these tea cakes ain't doin' it. Maybe we could try out Trader Vic's, huh? Get a Pina Colada, hold the whatever-it-is-that-goes-in-Pina-Colada-to-make-it-alcoholic?"

Diana tried to process her proposals. "I..." She trailed off. "I..." She lowered her cup to its saucer, slower than she anticipated.

"Are you okay?" Akko said, quieter now than a moment before.

"I don't know," she said.

"What was that...?" Akko leaned closer. "Diana, you're looking really..."

Diana cradled her head in her hands. "I can't breathe," she said, and she believed it, knowing with absolute certainty her throat would close itself and never open again. She adumbrated performing a tracheotomy with a sharp little bread knife in arm's reach; a future of breathing through a hole in her neck unfolded before her with oracular precision. She knew the curse upon her would never lift and she would need to open her neck anew every night. How quaint her fears of falling asleep compared to the endless horror of her new life--

Her mouth was being opened by strong hands and Akko's mouth clamped over hers, forcing breath into her lungs. She shoved Akko away, managing to upend her chair, and crawled away from the table, trying to right herself, feeling for her wand, wondering what spell could best be used to--

"Diana!" Akko shouted. "The nice guy is calling an ambulance, you're gonna be fine, I just need you to breathe!"

"Just let me die," Diana said. "I can't live like this. Mothergod, I can't--"

Some people would be the type to silence a hysterical woman with a slap. Atsuko Kagari, bless her idiot's heart, responded with a right cross to the jaw.

Diana lay on the cold tile, breathing steadily, feeling a bruise form where Akko had struck her. Akko knelt nearby, turning a toad-belly color as she realized what she'd done. "oh my god diana i didn't mean it i'm so sorry" she said, already crying.

Diana whimpered.

"i'm a wifebeater i'm a wifebeater oh my god why am i such a stupid fuckup"

"...not..." Diana breathed. "Not your..." She struggled for words, and found none.

The ambulance's siren wailed a few blocks away.

* * *

 

 _5\. Works, if you believe_  
"Panic attack, textbook case," the paramedic said. "And the bruise is nothing spectacular. You said this was trying to get her to... what, exactly?"

"I don't know," Akko said, slumped over in misery.

"She was just trying to help," Diana said. "She made a bad call. That's all."

Both of them were seated on the back bumper of the ambulance swaddled in emergency blankets, the proprietor watching the scene with grim determination and a fresh pot of emergency tea.

The paramedic looked between the two of them, trying to sum things up in his head. "That's your statement, m'am? No ill will between the two of you?"

"Absolutely none," Diana said. "If she hadn't done something to me first, I don't know what I'd have done to myself."

Akko shifted uncertainly in her seat.

"Ms. Kagari, yourself?"

"I'm fine... you know, I didn't get hurt or anything," Akko said. "I just... got scared. And that's why I punched my girlfriend. Like a fu--"

Diana covered Akko's mouth. "Atsuko Kagari, don't call yourself an idiot or a wifebeater again. Alright?"

"But I am," Akko said through Diana's mouth. "I was scared and I punched you and that sucks."

"Akko. You've saved my life again and again. You just saved it now."

The paramedic tapped his stylus against his tablet's case. "Right, so, if we can get going now..." He tapped a button and a tiny attached printer spat out a receipt and report. "For panic attacks, Ms. Cavendish, I suggest seeking psychiatric help. A psychologist can help you develop coping skills to manage your feelings without medication, and a psychiatrist can prescribe medication either in the short term or if your situation requires it. As for your relationship, I'm in no position to pry, but for the love of God we need more Stan and Joan and less Ike and Tina."

"I got that reference," Akko said, continuing the referential rabbit hole.

The two saw off the ambulance as it trundled down the street. "G'wan, git," the proprietor of the magic item cafe said, waving off those who'd stopped to gawk. "This ain't street theater, that's not 'til 9." He poured tea into pre-sugared mugs with long mixing straws angling out the lid. "There you go. If you need a minute, take it. Nobody's gettin' in on my watch."

"Thank you," Diana said, and the two took him on his offer.

Akko set her tea on the counter. "Diana, are you really okay right now? With, like, everything?"

"I don't know," Diana said. "I just..." She set her tea next to Akko's and stood behind her. "I absolutely do not know." She put her hand on Akko's shoulder. "I thought getting out would help. The past two weeks, it's been like... breathing underwater. I don't know what to feel or think, or what to say, or how to talk things over like a grownup. I just kept going and... well, you saw what happened."

"I'm sorry for pissing you off," Akko said. "I've been a total jerk all day. That can't possibly have helped."

"It didn't," Diana said. She felt Akko tense up under her hand. "But if you give me love, I'll forgive you."

"I..." Akko sniffled. "I don't know if I can trust myself anymore."

"Akko. You know how you felt when I was acting earlier?"

"Uh-huh?"

"When you say that, I think I feel what you felt." She pulled Akko into a hug, resting her head on Akko's shoulder. "And I think I can guess what you're feeling."

"Like what?" Akko said, legitimately curious.

"Like there's a curse on you," she said. "Standing spellbound in the grip of something much larger and more dangerous than you could ever be." She squeezed Akko tight. "But that's not the case, is it? Because we're bigger and scarier than anything that could ever hurt us."

"Yeah," Akko said. "Yeah!" She tried to laugh. "What's a little freakout compared to, like, anything we've kicked the ass of?"

"Nothing, that's what," Diana said, kissing her cheek. "We're unbelievable, we're undefeatable." A little voice in the back of her head tsk'ed at her. _You had to think it, didn't you? Now you know it'll be worse next--_

"Let's ruin all their things," Akko said, turning in Diana's grasp and kissing her.

Despair fell away. Terror melted to nothingness. Atsuko Kagari's kisses were light but forceful, like the attentions of a friendly rabbit, and when she was feeling especially passionate--like now--she had the tendency to nibble, just a little, on Diana's lower lip, which never failed to make her heart thrum like a plucked violin string.

For a while, the curse fell away. This was what it meant to be enchanted.

"Mother Mormo," Diana said, "where would I be without you?"

"Home alone, freaking out over nothing," Akko said.

"You're right. A+. Honor roll."

"Let's celebrate... gently. Wanna give the foot palace another shot?"

Diana giggled. "It's not a foot palace!"

"It totally is. If we go to the guestbook I bet Quentin Tarantino signed it three times."

"...how do you know anything about Quentin Tarantino?"

"Sucy keeps bringing up his thing about feet at trivia night. Like, not even on trivia questions about Quentin Tarantino. It freaks me out. What's her game? What's she thinking of?"

"We were never meant to know," Diana said. "Or maybe I don't want to have to puzzle her out on top of myself."

"I'll... puzzle you out. Like, later, in the room. Would that be fun?"

"Yes, yes it would."

They both felt a firm rumbling.

"What was the place you wanted to eat at, again?" Diana said.

"Trader Vic's."

"You know," Diana said, "fake Polynesian sounds good.  What was that you were saying last time about getting tipsy...?"

* * *

 

 _6\. I am a good man; I am yours._  
"hey sucy did you know if you order a rum giggle at trader vics they'll bring out a crystal skull and it laughs at you while you drink with your awesome girlfriend"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Hm," thinks the author, "the time has come to reference Owen Pallett music. Which one should I reference, and should it be the title or the in-story quote?"  
> "I know," the author said to the author, "let's just start referencing Owen Pallett songs 'til we get a cease-and-desist."  
> In ooooorder: "Your Light is Spent," "That's When The Audience Died" (TIL it's not "for every *heart,* relief," but I'm keeping the mondegreen), "Arctic Circle," "Furniture," "I'm Afraid of Japan," "Moodring Band" (both subtitle and lyric reference), and "What Do You Think Will Happen Now?"


	6. To the End of the World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, girl.

It maybe wasn't the end of the world as we know it, but, well,  
on a haunt with me and Lotte and Sucy,  
everything around was blowing up,  
Finnelan turning red as she asked us how and why.  
I couldn't begin to explain how it came to pass,  
just that I was sorry and an idiot  
and I won't let it happen again,  
and she tells me to pack up and leave  
before her last nerve snaps and she just storms out of the room.  
And in silence, I just look up  
and I take a deep breath  
and I think about why I'm even here.  
It's you. I think of you.  
I said:

Thank you, girl.  
Thank you, girl.  
I love you til the end of the world.  
With your eyes blue as soul  
And your long blonde curls.

I guess I cried.  
I was scared and I started and I couldn't stop.  
But Lotte was there, and Sucy too, and so we ran.  
So we ran through the halls and we cheered at every student we passed  
And you were there alone  
with that all-knowing frown  
and the gentlest of eyes  
saying "Akko, my dear, Akko, my dear,  
you're making a scene and it's so insincere."  
On a haunt with me and Lotte and Sucy,  
after blowing up half the alchemy lab  
you and only you were there to remind us we were home  
and at home to stay,  
touching my face in your gentle way.

I said:  
Thank you girl.  
Thank you girl.  
I'll love you til the end of the world.  
With your eyes blue as soul  
and your long blonde curls.

And with the fairies cleaning up the scene,  
with our friends at our sides and ourselves in between,  
My tears whisked away by the patience and beauty of you,  
Looking at me with your eyes so blue.

I sang:  
Thank you girl.  
Thank you girl.  
I'll love you til the end of the world.  
With your eyes blue as soul  
and your long blonde curls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With apologies to Nick Cave. Filk (kinda, sorta?) of "(I'll Love You) Till The End of the World."


End file.
